Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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