Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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