How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
