So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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