that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
