you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
