Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
