Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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