Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
