so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
