I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
