i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
