Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
