how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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