If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
