I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
