2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
