omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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