last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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