I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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