I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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