does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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