I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize