Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
