The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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