my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
