sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Can you bring me the toilet please
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
