i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
