u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
