Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
