i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
