Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just googled if crying burns calories
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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