it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
