Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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