i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
