I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
