Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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