I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
