dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i will never coherently bang her
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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