Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
