I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
