Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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