i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
