Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Im part way to drunk.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
