Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
