At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
