For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
