I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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