I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
