Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
