I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
