He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
two words: eviction party
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
