when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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