I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he shaved USA in his pubs
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
