i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
