so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
