This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
