You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
