Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
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