Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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