he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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